Monday, February 23, 2009

Bottled Up

Water begins to drip from the eyes as the Mind drifts to a far away place.
A place that I've been before.
It's dark, but not so depressing.
A place where a slideshow of emotions forms and displays itself through the airwaves.
These emotions won't die.
Instead they hide. T
hey hide as if they don't exist.
When wanting to play they appear of the blue. Sad..maybe....Frustrating..yes....point where you just want to take action.
Take action to relieve the build up inside.
These emotions refuse to be released.
There is no point.
They enjoy to be bottled up.
Fear builds that they may leak and a series of unfortunate events may occur, but at this moment...thy self doesn't really care.
It seems that the emotions are patiently waiting for that perfect moment.
The perfect moment to take over.

Aiming for specific targets, fear is for them.
Emotions can not always be controlled.
The bottle then breaks.


a diva is the female version of a hustla =)

lately i find myself just using my imagination to its fullest potential.
i keep envisioning things that i could create: clothes i could sew: jewelry i could make.
i wish i had the resources and the funding to make these things come to life one day.
rite now i'm EXTREMELY inspired and i want to act on it.
i want to revamp my style: become a new me: exude the swagg that i know i have but just haven't been able to show.
i see things: take notes: just continuously grow.
i envision the perfect job: just creating and wearing whatever my heart desires.
i just wanna b that fashionista: that diva that everybody wants to b.
but not a diva in the stuck up sense like i cant get over myself: but a diva in the sense that my style compliments my personality perfectly.
that my clothes can in a sense tell u all about me.
i just want to b an original: but not so original that no body wants to see me: but so original that people admire me.
i want to be great: i want to be awesome: i want to earn my place in the world with something i love.
i don't want to lose myself and who i am in the pursuit of this goal but to find my missing pieces.
i need a new image: i need to shine in those things that make me comfortable.
no more watering down my style to make others happy: no more trying not to over do it so that people won't judge me.
what i've come to realize is that i will be judged regardless of if i let my style come through or if i just sit back and let me die because i'm trying to please you.
this is the time when i'm going to try to step my game up.
world get ready for me: you should throw me a coming out party lol


Get Hip!!!

extraness or just plain extreme...
everybody wants to be like somebody or something they've seen...

but who's to say wats the definition of perfection...
dont u define wat is perfect for u...
just do u and u'll kno when to improve...
be individual and rise to the top...
shine like a star n let them kno u hot lol...
swagg is wat we doin in the 09...
step u game up n get hip...
S wats good???
lets go damage some thangs lmao...


A lost of extraness

There is a little something going around
It's extraness..around all types of areas
The core may be the most problematic
But everything could just be improve
Never really been the stereotype
Kinda cared but not not 2 the upmost extent
But then you get da sense to compare yourself 2 others
Not others that may pass you by, but others that have made their way in
Haven't really seen them all
But figures they may all not have the same extraness
So then you get that feeling where you want to get rid off what you got
Can't let anyone out do you
But I mean it had to be something there
In order for there way to be made
And now I got up my game to up and beyond
But whatever I got this
Gotta get back to the spark inside me
You ready right side?
Damage has never been so sweet!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Distant Memory Pt. 1

-She awoke that morning feeling all types of emotions…excited…nervous…scared. Who knew that by the end of that day those last two emotions would overshadow the first. As she dressed, she felt…well uneasy. The outfit she was forced to wear was a little revealing. Shorts, wife beater, and fresh all white air force ones. Thoughts of sexiness raced as she stared in the mirror. Such thoughts were erased as a distant love called the cell. Broken up yet still yearning for the love and comfort of each other; however the call was ignored. She was in such an uplifting mood, participating in drama-filled arguments will only bring the mood down. Phone rings again, but it’s the crew calling. It was time.

-She reached her destination. A dance competition that she was force to enroll when another dropped out. The crew consisted of cousins and friends. They were all excited, yet she was still nervous. Only learning the dance steps the night before, how could she possibly remember them all? But she did. She counted out the first 8 count in her head the first 8 count as the music began. Excitement however drowned out her counts and the moves just began to flow. Few minutes later…the routine is done. Standing ovation, applause, and screams. They did great! The nervousness didn’t fade but increased as they waited for the results. A range of screams broke out as it was announced that they had won. She felt relieved. She did what she had to do resulting in the biggest trophy she had ever seen. Shortly after it was time to go. Feeling tired she hopped in the car with three of her male cousins. They had said they would take her home, but first they had to make a stop. Not really caring, she just smiled and said ok.

-Business needed to be handle here at the stop. So she was told to go wait in a back room. While sitting in a tiny bedroom, she sat on a bed watching Saturday cartoons. Whoever said a 15 year old couldn’t still enjoy Nickelodeon was wrong . Minutes passed, business was still being handle. Then this tall, brown skin figure walks into the room. She knew the figure, but not as much. Greetings were shared. The nervousness she felt previously was starting to come back. He sat next to her on the bed trying to engage in a concersation, but she kept brushing it off. He leaned over to whisper provocative sayings into her ear as he tucked her hair behind his ear. Feeling uneasy she stood up to leave. But he grabbed her by her wrist insisting that she had to have wanted him as much as he wanted her. Now she was beginning to get frustrated. Who was he to insist such things. Still wanting to hold on to her innocence, she cursed at him as she tried wiggled her wrist free from his grasp. But then his temper began to flare. He grabbed her by both her arms and pushed her up against against a long dresser, forcing her on top of it. Screams were released, but he covered her mouth. She tried to free herself, but the more she struggled, the more force was applied. She kept trying to slide off of the dresser as perfume bottles and lotion tubes were sticking at her left n right. Growing angrier, he began to tug at her shorts, pulling them down slightly and forcing himself in between. He ripped open her wife beater n began biting at her skin. She released more screams and he slammed her against the mirror standing behind the dressor. The mirror shattered. Glass tore at the skin on her back. She thought that was the worst pain she could ever feel, but then a shocking bolt of pain rushed up from a place she never felt pain before. He had forced a few of his “sense of touch” in place that wasn’t ready. She continued to scream and kick and now cry. Tears were streaming down her face. Finally a figure she could trust busted through the door. He released her and yelled to run to car. But it was hard for her to run, the pain was unbearable. She fell to the floor and watched a dangerous fight broke out. More people fled into the house to get a part of the action. Another relying person picked her up to carry her, but then gun shots began to flare. It was chaos. She was placed in the back of a car as shots were blasted back. Soon all bodies were in the car and they pulled off. Shaking, she curled up in a little ball as the others argued about what should be done. A comforting force held her in their arms. She couldn’t cry anymore, she was just silent. They gave her the run down. No one was to ever know. If officials found out, they could all face time due to many charges. She loved them all and couldn’t bare that to happen. So she agreed. She coughed up the nerve to look at the damages. Her clothing was stained with dark red blotches. They took her to yet another cousin’s house where she could clean up. A warm bath was set up. Stepping into it was horrible. The open wounds fought back at the warm water pushing against it. The pain subsided because as of then, she had felt worse. She layed beneath the water, holding her breath. She was hoping that is she stayed there then it would be realized that this was all a dream. But it wasn’t. She did wake up that morning. She awoke to emotions of excitement , nervousness and fear. Overshadowing the first, being nervous and scared had come and gone. Every emotion was just gone.



Thursday, February 19, 2009

u cant say i didnt blog =)