Sunday, May 31, 2009

Don't Call Me No More, Don't Text Me No More

i was seriously debating on whether i want to write about these things that have been on my mind today...
but what the heck, let's air it out...
i can't stand when people want to know about my life but are basically too dumb to realize that they can ask me because it's my life and i think that i am probably the one with all the right answers to any questions that you might have...

and another part to this issue is kind of a past issue that brings up another issue...
but i'll get into that later...

if you're supposed to be my friend and you have my phone number...
why not just use it???
why do you have to go to everybody else to ask about me???
i don't understand that...
especially when you want to know about an event that's going to be held at my home and you think that you can come...
i'm just gonna say that if you're not invited don't come...
and if you're too stupid to realize that you probably need to talk to me in the event that you think you might show up at my house...
you know, just to give me a warning...
and if you can't talk/visit me unless you want to use me then just flat out forget you know me because that's foul...

now to my friends who have suffered having to play secretary or messenger to these foolish fools who have clearly mistaken you for me...
i'm sorry that that ignorance was placed upon you...
but you didn't have to deal with it...
when it comes to matters of my life...
especially ones that you're not involved in...
direct any inquirers to me...
don't make up a story or try to give an excuse...
just simply direct them to me and i promise i can fix any confusion...
and don't let their constant pestering make you become a pest yourself and place yourself in an area where you don't belong...
i don't like pressure and i don;t like my decision making process being messed with...
i am grown and i know how to choose things for myself...
don't become a menace and make things uncomfortable because i don't so that to you...
just let it be and let it work itself out...
curiousity killed the cat as the old saying goes...
so just keep that in mind when getting in the middle where you shouldn't be...
also remember to send any of these lost children to me =]

i don't want to come off mean or possibly crazy to anybody who decides to read this because i know that it seems a bit much...
and could possibly come off as mean but i'm just going to put it like this...

honesty is the best policy!!!

~ab~

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Well...and...so...basically...

so i thought that a blog was a place to vent but i guess i was mistaken
my last post was how i was feeling and partially still am
i guess people unconsciouly play a role in that and are too wrapped up in (???) to realize it
but i'm not going into that
or into detail in this post for that matter
i just wanted to say that while my hopes for this summer look bright
my eyes are wide open and full of optimism
it may turn out a little hazy and gray
but hopefully my dreams will become a reality
and all doubts will fade away
i leave school tomorrow on that long journey home
i'm mucho excited about it and can't wait
too bad i'll be back in this loser-ish state before i get back home good
graduations are momentous occasions but suck and are boring as hell haha
congrats to the college class of 2009 =]
i don't really have much to say today
i just caught a case of boredom and something was bothering me
but like i said before
i'm NOT going into detail in this post
or at all actually
i don't feel like dealing with the stress and frustrations
every pair of eyes perceives the world in a different way
and 9 times out of 10 they won't ever see things the same way
so its no point of even going into depth
let's just leave this one shallow
all i have to say is that i have one more day
and i don't know if this deserves a YAY!!!

~ab~

Friday, May 1, 2009

Summer's Here!!!

so i'll be home soon...
SOOO EXCITING!!!
but i hope that this summer will be the best ever...
i hope that i will be able to hang out with the friends that i have missed ever so much...
i hope that my friends will be more open minded and exciting...
i hope that they won't always put themselves first but maybe think about me and how i feel about things for a change...
i hope that they realize that the world doesn't revolve around them...
i hope that i can rebuild friendships and make other ones stronger...
i hope that i can switch my style up so that i can be the fashionista that is stuck inside of me...
i hope that the sunny days will lead to romantic nights...
i hope that we will have girl's nights, group nights, and fun nights...
i hope that tattoos will adorn my body before its all said and done...
i hope that all drama will cease...
but if it doesn't i'll be ready...
a little damage control is always fun...
i just hope that this summer will make memories that will be better than ever...
no drama, no tradgedies, no arguments, no falling out...
just fun, just memories, just friends and family, just awesomeness...
=]

~ab~

p.s. i did this for you...hope you happy now =]]]

PSA:Get @ Me

THIS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT....

I WILL OFFICIALLY B BACK IN PG COME THURSDAY , MAY 7TH! THEREFORE ANY FAKENESS CAN BE HANDLED..GET ME? I WANT U 2 KNO THAT UR WACK! YOU GOT ALL THIS MOUTH OVER THE INTERNET..SO LEMME GET DOWN 2 UR LEVEL. U CAN'T BEAT ME..THE MOST YOU CAN BEAT IS MY DUDE'S MEAT..GET ME?? I CAN BANG W/1...BUT NOT YOU...UR A HOE..N NOT EVEN A GOOD 1...DNT TRY 2 PUT NOBDY OUT THERE IF U CAN'T BACK IT UP....U THOUGHT U WERE BAD...JUST KNO IM THE BADDEST....GET @ ME U DUMB SKUT! {GETERDNE}

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Wats Dat? ........Philly Shopholic.????

TODAY WAS AWESOME!! I went along for a shopping adventure down Center City aka Walnut & Chestnut Street. With me came my roommate Taydra and my friend Angelo. Together we embarked on a mission..retail therapy. First we made a pit stop at VZW so that I could get my glyde software updated. BOY DO I LIKE IT! Afterwards, we hit the stores. Many stores...back-to-back. Our first task was to find dresses for our midnight...oops i mean...MOONLIGHT... cruise on friday...*sidebar* which i am please to announce that my wonderful love will be attending because I said so :)....*anywho* I found a cute black, white, and silver dress..that is also strapless. This is something AMAZING...due to my lack of wanting to dress up......my roommate got a cute little black dress and some heels. I also got a orange sundress that makes my look like the little native I am...and some sandals and purse and jewelry. Couldn't help but to get more jeans! (thats just me) O yea and a white cardigan! I spent sooo much time in H&M today it made no sense! Plus there are not one...BUT TWO H&Ms..one on each street....HOW AWESOME! The other stores visited are my little secret..hehe...My next purchase will be a gift for the love due to him leaving me in the teen years:( Well here are the pictures of the new editions to the wardrobe. P.S. I am going to find a Salvation Army to give half of my clothing to. I realize that I have to much...well you can't really have 2 much...*SMILEZ n GIGGLEZ*












Thursday, March 26, 2009

SPRING is here!


Fav season of all time...spring! It brings me joy. I can't help it...I'm a spring baby. Now that the weather is nicer..especially here in Philly....its time to turn up the GG...ya hear me? hehe Anywho I will be embracing my newest style which is my innermost swag this weekend. I will be a shopaholic for a day. You wanna shop for great deals..come to my new Hood. The H&M is waayyy better than Annapolis Mall. Sauturday will be my day of release therapy. Style therapy :) So excited. Plus i gotta get a dress for my weekend next week. Temple's Midnight Cruise on the Spirit of Philadelphia. (maybe ill get a visit) So i gotta look my best for him;) I will be happy to report my findings on Sat nite. O HOW I LOVE SPRING!

134 miles

How can 1 be lonely, when they have one of the greatest {connect} anyone could possibly have? Basically it all comes down to the leading force. My heart is being stretched between the grimy streets of Philly, through the bareness of Deleware, to the harbor tunnels of Bmore, into the homeland. My heart is frantically beating for it wishes to be whole again. It's not complete without all of me. Loneliness is desperately stalking my heart as if it were the next months rent. My heart wishes to be RED and not green with envy because others are happily interwined with their others. They should really consider themselves to be lucky..because my luck has ran short. So everyday I go on as if everything is ok. I constantly just remind myself of a soon to come special day. A day when such loneliness will be a thing in da past...a figment of my imagination. 134 miles and waiting......

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

since you've been gone...

*sidebar* the page is fixed so feel free to comment*end sidebar* lol

ok so basically everybody realizes that people change...
there is no way you can stop that...
it is inevitable...
some change for the better and some well...they just change...
and i know that i change...
i have changed and i keep changing...
but i can't help it...
i'm trying to become bigger and better...
well maybe not some much bigger in the physical sense but big in personality =]
and i realize also that i may not be the easiest person to get along with at times...
but that's part of my change...
some times everything that goes on can piss me off but other times they are just fine...
some times i get sooo tired of people and other times i love them to death...
i don't know why this happens or how to stop it...
but everybody who means something to me i love y'all...
and don't charge it to my heart =]

-ab-

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Extended Family

Merriam-Webster lists family as being a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation or even a group of things related by common characteristics. Now, I am not talking about my family, as in my own flesh and blood, but those who have key roles or lack there of. These days I see them as...an extended family..an addition. Each has their own individuality that makes an influence of some way into my life. I like to take this time to introduce the world to them.

Anyone who knows me for who i am knows of my other half. The half of me thats wild and crazy as hell, but also loving, when it wants, and caring. This side of me has the biggest.....EGO in the world. But that's the best part. I mean who doesn't enjoy someone with the highest level of confidence. And don't try to go crud, cuz you would get put in your place with the quickness. Hello World, I would like to my other side..Jared Robert. He's the love of my life. I would go into further details about mi dude...but he'll get his own blog in the near future. I think I owe him that much.b

On to the rest of the roll call....

The FAB 3... 3 girls who drive me crazy..but I would go 2 hell and back to make sure they are livin good and comfortable. Ms. Diva herself and little Ms.Chick have been with me since the 6th grade. Havent been at the same school since. Yet I was still at their defense when someone tried anything at their expense. College days has given them even more reasons to give me headaches in fear that they may be harmed by sickness or crazy psychos or even the simple fact that they getting a little besides themselves. But they know that I will always be by there to bring them back down to earth.

But what about the third? That would Miss AB herself. My confidant in crime in the city..my cuzzo Ashley. She's my true crime partner. Together we cause damage. Physical, mental, and emotional. Don't cross me and don't cross her, because the other is not to far behind. Even though miles away..little miss fashionista..helps me day in and day out. Somehow, we live each others lives...especially when it comes to boys.I became her little sunshine! Whether its heartache or happiness, we've been through it all. We've watched each other grow in only a short period of time. Because of her I got 2 lovely cuzies, Phy & Moni, who are crazy in their own way. Some may see her as the quiet one, but trust me this little girl is little miss gangsta. I mean...who else would help out with the DAMAGE CONTROL.

A little added addition, brought on by ash, kinda, takes form as my bestie. MY BESTEST BESTIE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. He's soo cool. I have never met such a chill person in my life. Even when he's pissed off, he's still yet so calm. Maybe he's just weird. Anywho, this dude was soooo quiet. But me and ash switched him over to the bad side...hehe...honestly...i couldn't fade losing him as a bestie. He used to make me pizza everyday when we would go 2 his house at that half day time...(o the memories we will all share) He brings peace to my life. Plus he brings love to ashley (oops! :/) Bestie has also brought to me D.Lo aka Honey bunches...I just had to give him a shoutoutizzle...he'll skate 4 u 4 food.

The breakdown:
The male in my life who broke my heart for the first time...Leon Delonte...he made me into some kind of pheonix..he broke me down and created this female version of himself..he is my real talk...forever trynna make into a G..but the prettiest G in the game. If any dude try to break me down..a mountain couldn't stand in the way of him succeeding in breaking them. In the long run I led him to find love. Love in my dear Emerald. Words can't explain what she's gone through, but all in all I'll egg her father house for her anytime *INSIDE*.

Shawnizzle..my baby mama...Imma be there for the little one whenever you need a helping hand. ANDY(Isaac)..off and on..yet still my african crazy friend. Temple Crew..I got love for all of you. Jazzy..lesbo lover of mine...people be hating on our friendship...but they don't know we had to go through dealing with puddin..thus causing us to become lesbo lovers.lol...MR JUNIOR...wade..i felt the need to add you to the bunch because in the course of only a few months...we have gone from hating each other 2 actually helping each other. You make me laugh anytime I'm around your philosophical a**..lol...even when your in a foggy state of mind (hint hint) you always trynna break it down to me..but i hope you find that perfect sum1 n of course ill help u do it..n she can be my best friend! Well she's gonna have to share me cuz I promised that job to Ms. Morgan Ames..who also gets a shout out cuz 1 day i'll get her on dat metro.

I saved the worst for last..bcuz he's last in my heart..SIKE!! I'll always love my little bro..in law..trevor my dear has become a handful..in the 9th grade he use to let me use him as my little 09 boo. College came and he thought he bcame MR.COOL...well trevor e. lee IM HERE 2 TELL U DAT U R MR. COOL...BUT ILL STILL KNOCK YOU OUT...YOU BACKED OUT OF 2 MANY FIGHTS WIT ME CUZ YOU KNEW U WERE GONNA LOSE! sike! For some odd reason though, I feel connected in a way to be there 4 him...y? i have no clue. I just want him to become the best person he can be..but honestly..I feel as if maybe he got a little side tracked and needs to get his A game back up. Brother of mine..me and you suppose to be doing big things freshman year so don't let me come home and you haven't done that. Don't think I forgot about our talk concluding winter break.

The Lee boys have brought not one, but TWO sister in laws...in a way...to the fam. Co-wink-a-dink , both are named Ashley. I've grown to adore little Ashley, although she is bad. Sometimes I feel the urge to adopt her so that she could chill with me all the time and I could keep her out of trouble. That is not possible, but in 3 years, I will be back in the PG, and I promise that she can always count on me. As for the eldest, I don't know her. Truth be told, at one point, I didn't like her. Yet at this point, I am able to drop that because like I said I don't know her. I can't judge her. I can only assess the situation. And the situation is...I can see that she loves Trevor, genuinely. That's all that matters. I am not one to stand in the middle of two love birds and that's what they are. I hope they treat each other right. Although I don't know her, I still dont want Trevor to hurt her and if he did...me and him going at it. SOOO...2 Ashley...Welcome 2 the fam :)

Dear world....This is my extension...my extended lifestyle....there are more...but it's getting...as they would say in PHILLY...MAD LATE...and I gotta call hubby:) To those not mentioned...I got you..2 all mentioned..keep holdin it down. Time for bunnin!

~S.S~




Saturday, March 14, 2009

affection

i remember when me and my cousin were kidnapped and took picniking...
not kidnapped like we were never to b seen again but kidnapped in a fun,affectionate way...
those were the times...
and as corny as that occasion may seem to others...
it was kind of special to me and something that i think i'll remember for a while, if not forever...
what happened to things like that???
are we so past the "love" that we are just straight to the point...
no romance anymore???
i guess that's tough love...
but i miss the affection...

-ab-

Friday, March 6, 2009

ms.

how do you put yourself in the position that you become a nobody...
what happened to the days when you were a somebody..."ms. popularity"
but now you've fallen into the category of "ms. wannabe" or "ms. used to be" even "ms. could have been"
how do you go from having a circle of friends to being alone...
how do you u go from having 10 numbers to call to just having 1...
and that one only works sometimes...
and that one bears your burdens until they become to much...
and that one gets worn down til they can't take it anymore...
and that one slowly fades away like those 10 that couldn't help bear your burdens and stay...
but your just one with a heart that's strong...
and your one with dreams that grow and thrive and blossom...
and your one with dreams that will become a reality one day...with the right encouragement from the ones you love...
and that one will be your only inspiration...your only reason to press on...your only reason to not just follow but chase your dreams...
where have all the good friends gone???
once you're not the one in their face anymore they forget you...
once you're the one who wants to follow your own path instead of the one they try to lay for you they don't need you...they leave you
good friends are hard to find...and that is the truest statement i've heard to date...
i thought i had good friends but they just couldn't wait...for me to find me and who i wanted to be and what i wanted to do and where i wanted to go and how i wanted to get there...
they just judged me for who i was...
and now in this strange place with all these weird things and weird people...where am i to turn???
to that one that's lost like me...or to the one that i left in philly...but wheres the one that's there with me...
misery loves company so wheres mine??? being alone in a dungeon only prolongs time...
i want to be in that place that's meant for me...
i want to go where i'm meant to be...
i am ms. gonna be...no quotation marks necessary...
and you can leave me...love me...or follow me...
but i'm going to be me...
and now i know who me is and nobody is going to take me from me...
even if i have to stay ms. lonely.


-ab-

Thursday, March 5, 2009

my "ah ha" moment...

so i've kinda grasped where i want my style to go...
you know how you have ideas but you're never really sure of how to go about making them into reality...
well i've figured it out...well kinda...i haven't actually tried this idea as of yet...
but hopefully i can tomorrow =] ...
but i've decided to let my creative juices flow...
buying clothes and making clothes are two totally different things...
while shopping is like a therapy...its also costly...
but just sewing and altering i am able to make things that are one of a kind, cheaper, and i get the satisfaction of being the designer...
i have found inspiration in sooo many different places that i've never thought to look before...
i hope that when i do come to a conclusion on my style that it is just that...MY style...and not a copy of my inspirations...

i went to the fabric store yesterday and it made me realize that there may be patterns for some of the things that i want to make but not all so "free-handing" might become the best way...
i have to let my mind wonder and just let things come natural to me...
hopefully by doing things this way i can tailor my skills so that it won't just be me making things on a whim but actually taking the time and making things that are AWESOME...

am i really into clothes and fashion and style so much that my passion has rubbed off on others???
can i be the inspiration for some of my closest friends to try to switch it up and take a walk on the wild side lmao...
if so i am very much flattered...but i don't want to take soul credit...
i think it is in part just growing and maturing into a polished adult...
can't dress like the little kid on the playground forever hahaha...
=]


-ab-

Monday, February 23, 2009

Bottled Up

Water begins to drip from the eyes as the Mind drifts to a far away place.
A place that I've been before.
It's dark, but not so depressing.
A place where a slideshow of emotions forms and displays itself through the airwaves.
These emotions won't die.
Instead they hide. T
hey hide as if they don't exist.
When wanting to play they appear of the blue. Sad..maybe....Frustrating..yes....point where you just want to take action.
Take action to relieve the build up inside.
These emotions refuse to be released.
There is no point.
They enjoy to be bottled up.
Fear builds that they may leak and a series of unfortunate events may occur, but at this moment...thy self doesn't really care.
It seems that the emotions are patiently waiting for that perfect moment.
The perfect moment to take over.

Aiming for specific targets, fear is for them.
Emotions can not always be controlled.
The bottle then breaks.

-S-

a diva is the female version of a hustla =)

lately i find myself just using my imagination to its fullest potential.
i keep envisioning things that i could create: clothes i could sew: jewelry i could make.
i wish i had the resources and the funding to make these things come to life one day.
rite now i'm EXTREMELY inspired and i want to act on it.
i want to revamp my style: become a new me: exude the swagg that i know i have but just haven't been able to show.
i see things: take notes: just continuously grow.
i envision the perfect job: just creating and wearing whatever my heart desires.
i just wanna b that fashionista: that diva that everybody wants to b.
but not a diva in the stuck up sense like i cant get over myself: but a diva in the sense that my style compliments my personality perfectly.
that my clothes can in a sense tell u all about me.
i just want to b an original: but not so original that no body wants to see me: but so original that people admire me.
i want to be great: i want to be awesome: i want to earn my place in the world with something i love.
i don't want to lose myself and who i am in the pursuit of this goal but to find my missing pieces.
i need a new image: i need to shine in those things that make me comfortable.
no more watering down my style to make others happy: no more trying not to over do it so that people won't judge me.
what i've come to realize is that i will be judged regardless of if i let my style come through or if i just sit back and let me die because i'm trying to please you.
this is the time when i'm going to try to step my game up.
world get ready for me: you should throw me a coming out party lol



-ab-

Get Hip!!!

extraness or just plain extreme...
everybody wants to be like somebody or something they've seen...

but who's to say wats the definition of perfection...
dont u define wat is perfect for u...
just do u and u'll kno when to improve...
be individual and rise to the top...
shine like a star n let them kno u hot lol...
swagg is wat we doin in the 09...
step u game up n get hip...
S wats good???
lets go damage some thangs lmao...
A HA HA

-AB-

A lost of extraness


There is a little something going around
It's extraness..around all types of areas
The core may be the most problematic
But everything could just be improve
Never really been the stereotype
Kinda cared but not not 2 the upmost extent
But then you get da sense to compare yourself 2 others
Not others that may pass you by, but others that have made their way in
Haven't really seen them all
But figures they may all not have the same extraness
So then you get that feeling where you want to get rid off what you got
Can't let anyone out do you
But I mean it had to be something there
In order for there way to be made
And now I got up my game to up and beyond
But whatever I got this
Gotta get back to the spark inside me
You ready right side?
Damage has never been so sweet!
-S-







Friday, February 20, 2009

Distant Memory Pt. 1

-She awoke that morning feeling all types of emotions…excited…nervous…scared. Who knew that by the end of that day those last two emotions would overshadow the first. As she dressed, she felt…well uneasy. The outfit she was forced to wear was a little revealing. Shorts, wife beater, and fresh all white air force ones. Thoughts of sexiness raced as she stared in the mirror. Such thoughts were erased as a distant love called the cell. Broken up yet still yearning for the love and comfort of each other; however the call was ignored. She was in such an uplifting mood, participating in drama-filled arguments will only bring the mood down. Phone rings again, but it’s the crew calling. It was time.


-She reached her destination. A dance competition that she was force to enroll when another dropped out. The crew consisted of cousins and friends. They were all excited, yet she was still nervous. Only learning the dance steps the night before, how could she possibly remember them all? But she did. She counted out the first 8 count in her head the first 8 count as the music began. Excitement however drowned out her counts and the moves just began to flow. Few minutes later…the routine is done. Standing ovation, applause, and screams. They did great! The nervousness didn’t fade but increased as they waited for the results. A range of screams broke out as it was announced that they had won. She felt relieved. She did what she had to do resulting in the biggest trophy she had ever seen. Shortly after it was time to go. Feeling tired she hopped in the car with three of her male cousins. They had said they would take her home, but first they had to make a stop. Not really caring, she just smiled and said ok.


-Business needed to be handle here at the stop. So she was told to go wait in a back room. While sitting in a tiny bedroom, she sat on a bed watching Saturday cartoons. Whoever said a 15 year old couldn’t still enjoy Nickelodeon was wrong . Minutes passed, business was still being handle. Then this tall, brown skin figure walks into the room. She knew the figure, but not as much. Greetings were shared. The nervousness she felt previously was starting to come back. He sat next to her on the bed trying to engage in a concersation, but she kept brushing it off. He leaned over to whisper provocative sayings into her ear as he tucked her hair behind his ear. Feeling uneasy she stood up to leave. But he grabbed her by her wrist insisting that she had to have wanted him as much as he wanted her. Now she was beginning to get frustrated. Who was he to insist such things. Still wanting to hold on to her innocence, she cursed at him as she tried wiggled her wrist free from his grasp. But then his temper began to flare. He grabbed her by both her arms and pushed her up against against a long dresser, forcing her on top of it. Screams were released, but he covered her mouth. She tried to free herself, but the more she struggled, the more force was applied. She kept trying to slide off of the dresser as perfume bottles and lotion tubes were sticking at her left n right. Growing angrier, he began to tug at her shorts, pulling them down slightly and forcing himself in between. He ripped open her wife beater n began biting at her skin. She released more screams and he slammed her against the mirror standing behind the dressor. The mirror shattered. Glass tore at the skin on her back. She thought that was the worst pain she could ever feel, but then a shocking bolt of pain rushed up from a place she never felt pain before. He had forced a few of his “sense of touch” in place that wasn’t ready. She continued to scream and kick and now cry. Tears were streaming down her face. Finally a figure she could trust busted through the door. He released her and yelled to run to car. But it was hard for her to run, the pain was unbearable. She fell to the floor and watched a dangerous fight broke out. More people fled into the house to get a part of the action. Another relying person picked her up to carry her, but then gun shots began to flare. It was chaos. She was placed in the back of a car as shots were blasted back. Soon all bodies were in the car and they pulled off. Shaking, she curled up in a little ball as the others argued about what should be done. A comforting force held her in their arms. She couldn’t cry anymore, she was just silent. They gave her the run down. No one was to ever know. If officials found out, they could all face time due to many charges. She loved them all and couldn’t bare that to happen. So she agreed. She coughed up the nerve to look at the damages. Her clothing was stained with dark red blotches. They took her to yet another cousin’s house where she could clean up. A warm bath was set up. Stepping into it was horrible. The open wounds fought back at the warm water pushing against it. The pain subsided because as of then, she had felt worse. She layed beneath the water, holding her breath. She was hoping that is she stayed there then it would be realized that this was all a dream. But it wasn’t. She did wake up that morning. She awoke to emotions of excitement , nervousness and fear. Overshadowing the first, being nervous and scared had come and gone. Every emotion was just gone.


-S-


U.R.A. SUCKA
-S-

Thursday, February 19, 2009

u cant say i didnt blog =)